For a while, I can admit that I have been afraid to discuss this. Afraid to approach this entirely because people remember me based on my positivity and the positive twist I add to every negative thing that has ever happened. Despite this, I think it’s important to discuss this because people can only see what I allow them to see. If I never told you I battle depression, you’d honestly never expect it. Amongst other things, I find that I pretended to be okay because I thought it made other people feel okay to. And while this worked for a little bit, I was wrong. Oh so terribly wrong, in every sense. I never discuss how I feel, what I’m going through and my life. I never just open up and make myself vulnerable just because. And I think because I don’t do this, I never really get to be myself 100% of the time.

So please, allow me to reintroduce myself:

Realizing I have entrepreneurs depression

I’m the depressed entrepreneur who fulfills orders until I’m exhausted, who can’t say no because I need to make as much money as possible and who will stay up for 24 hours+ working nonstop until I crash. I became so dedicated to my business, that I lost myself. And up until now, I had no idea it was happening. I started to hate my business and what I built because it was making me THAT unhappy. I do not want to sound ungrateful, because I am VERY grateful and I also understand that there are millions who’d like to have made it even this far..

But can we put that aside and just discuss the human part of being a business owner. Because truthfully, behind closed doors we cry when things go wrong, we stress 24/7 even when things go right and we fight tooth and nail to maintain these perfect cookie cutter images of who we think other people want us to be.

I am tired.

I have had enough.

And quite frankly, I’m over it. Love and accept me for who I am. Or unfollow and block me. Either way, from now on, I choose me. I always choose me.

Side note: In case you didn’t know, this is me being vulnerable, honest and transparent. I’m not asking for sympathy or even empathy. I’m just telling my story so that you know that you’re not alone and maybe, just maybe, this will inspire you to comment down below and share your story with me. If it does inspire you and you are considering starting a business, check out my Master Vendor List with over 170 vendors for raw Indian hair, iPhone repair parts and accessories, women’s clothing, pajamas, sunglasses, designer durags and apparel and more all for $49.99 until 12/2 using the code “MasterL%”.
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Depression is not a one size fits all discussion. What looks like depression on me, the people I know or my friends doesn’t mean it reflects you and your battle with depression. I am simply pointing out something I and others I know have struggled with as entrepreneurs because even though we may not respond the same, a lot of our fights are similar.

So what does depression look like on entrepreneurs?

I’m glad you asked because I have identified 17 things I experienced this month, all year and last year as an entrepreneur:

1. Low morale
2. Heightened fatigue or need for napping
3. Irritability
4. Stress
5. Panic attacks
6. Restless nights
7. Mild insomnia
8. More emotional than usual
9. Being forgetful
10. Feeling hopeless
11. Negative thoughts
12. Disconnecting from the world
13. Being more antisocial than usual
14. Being miserable while fulfilling orders
15. Not fulfilling orders
16. Not doing laundry
17. Staying in bed all day

How did I address and work on my mental health?

First, I thought about the things I could do that I was passionate about. On this list, I identified several hobbies and activities I enjoy such as journaling, playing the piano, taking bubble baths, seeing my family, painting, poetry, and yoga. In doing so, I realized that I was not doing any of these things and as result, I was truly unhappy with my life and myself. So, I decided to take action to help me change the narrative.

If you’re interested in journaling as an entrepreneur, check out The 30 Day Productivity Planner I designed. It is 46 pages of pure genius that I originally designed for myself, but felt compelled to share with you.

I think one of the most ironic things about entrepreneurs depression is that many entrepreneurs start their businesses to change their lives. I, for one, was sad and I felt trapped within my life. I hated working a “9-5”. Not because I don’t like working for other people, but because I do not like the time constraints of committing to being in an office everyday. By working from home I am able to dedicate more time towards my hobbies and work more efficiently. For example, I started taking breaks every 30-40 minutes of working to destress and clear my mind. These breaks last for 15 minutes and during them I relax by reading a book, stretching, making a snack, or lying down. These things may not work for everyone, but it has helped me tremendously as an entrepreneur and person.

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There will never be an easy way to address depression. So instead of asking why it’s hard, focus on what you can do about it. You have many of the tools internally to change this, the first step though is acknowledging your mental health and stating that you need help. If you are super passionate about raising awareness for entrepreneurs depressing, DM me on twitter to participate in the short film I am making to raise awareness!